Hey, you know what this café is missing? Someone blowing steam in my face that smells like a discount vanilla candle.

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Mmmm. Maybe you’ve swallowed a cheap truck stop air freshener. So much better than the organic smoke of tobacco.

At least actual smoke fumigates the bacteria of your hangover breath. Warm steam is practically the brunch buffet at the Court of Two Sisters to halitosis. Don’t even think about kissing someone with that mouth. 

A cigarette is a blessedly discrete period of time, a perfectly-sized break in the action.  The sound of its lighting signals relaxation time. It does not endlessly nag you with nicotine while clipped to the neck of your shirt. The cigarette is more civilized in every possible way.