How To wear SHUN

* make us famous

A dandy hipster dressed in bows and frills walks toward a crowded bar, his friends a few paces ahead, and sticking out from the back of his pants is a copy of SHUN Magazine. It occurs to me: why read SHUN when you can simply make it visible upon your person in order to fool others into thinking you read it?

What else screams “I’m hip to the underground and totally in the know” like wearing a copy of SHUN Magazine? But you know the next guy is just going to upstage you by wearing two copies of SHUN. And with the arrival of the latest issue, it is theoretically possible to have five entirely unique copies of SHUN Magazine sticking in and out of various articles of clothing.

In order to survive the Shun-swag gap, SHUN Magazine recommends that you don’t panic. Mardi Gras may be over, but that doesn’t mean you can’t continue to build costumes, and with the help of SHUN Magazine, you can be the king of costumed cool. Use its pages to patch torn jeans! Build a hat! Sew copies together into a sporty-looking coat, or bring back the Elizabethan neck ruff with just a few folds and some scotch tape. Make SHUN into a beer koozie.

It’s true that reading SHUN Magazine will not make you a better person, but wearing issue three as underwear is guaranteed to get you laid. If paper cuts really do it for you, try the SHUN condom (Editor: SHUN Magazine has NOT been clinically proven as an effective prophylactic, nor has it been properly tested as a deterrent to the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases).

Congratulations. You are now the most attractive human being on the face of the planet. It doesn’t matter if you only had time to flip through the pages, glance at the drawings, maybe guffaw at a headline or two. Don’t even sweat it if someone wants to discuss SHUN Magazine. It won’t happen, but the knowing nod you get from the dude across the bar who is also totally planning on reading past page two is thicker than blood.

You who wear SHUN are the next stage of human evolution, the future, when survival of the fittest is determined by the amount of respect and admiration garnered by brand representation. You are a billboard to the testament of your greatness. So from all of us at SHUN Magazine (Editor: The opinions and views expressly stated in this article do not necessarily represent the views of SHUN Magazine) to all of you, thank you for choosing us as your latest fashion statement.