I had cocktails with A girlfriend,

* make us famous

sharing tallboys in the alley until it started raining and we ducked into the dive bar on the corner. They were completely empty and listening to Nickelback. We were the sole patrons, so they gave us a bus tub full of jell-o shots and we took at least all of them.

I took a cab home to avoid the rain, rolling my jello-shot face against the damp back window, thinking about how sexy I was. “Do you want me to…suck your dick?” He didn’t miss a beat, saying a strong, hard “Yes” and pulling over onto a suburban street. I dove clumsily between the two front seats, seeing his face for the first time, bloated and sweating with excitement. I dove down. Tide? Wafted up from his open zipper as I smashed his soft dry dick into my mouth—another jell-o shot. I deep throated the warm skin putty, my face buried deep under his massive belly, the pubic hair on his balls under the tide was: cat smell/video games/smoking indoors when you’re not supposed to/cosplay/keep your dead cats in a freezer until you have time to bury them. He came as soon as he got hard and I swallowed all the cat smell stale reheated kitten milk down my throat, hopped into the backseat, and re-announced my address. Shouted “Bye!” like a child leaving grandpa’s house. He replied, “I have two days off and a king-sized bed and the best sound system in the city.”

Two days later I relayed this story to another cabbie. He didn’t believe me so I again wriggled between the front seats and, balancing my knees on the e-brake, put my face onto his lap and took in his comic books, i-only-read-bukowski, mom’s laundry, star wars trilogy, until it filled my mouth completely and I was home.