* make us famous

Past years have seen the rise of female krewes, as well as the advent of several new specialty krewes that have been granted a coveted spot on a parade route. SHUN feels that there should be plenty of room for all in our burgeoning, brave new New Orleans, and, genuflecting before progress and changing demographics, submits the following ideas for krewes we’d like to see hitting the streets in the future:

Krewe of I Don’t See You

This krewe will walk the Bywater route, stoically refusing to acknowledge any of the parade attendees. Signature throw: the coveted and ever so stingily distributed Nod.

Krewe of Mommy and Daddy Didn’t Love Me

This krewe marches the Bywater/Marigny/Quarter Route, spanging their way down the neutral ground. Member costumes must be designed from items they have liberated from local capitalist pigs. Keep your eyes open for your clumsily spray-painted bike when the float goes by. Signature Throws: Excuses and Hand-Decorated Shoulder Chips.

Krewe of Disgruntled Locals

Fuck you, they don’t need to prove shit to you, they earned their cred in the old days man, when shit was real, not this disneyfied horseshit we got now. Why don’t you fucking march on over by their house? How come they never see your ass any more? Sellout.

Signature Throws: Old, filthy mardi gras beads that have been lying around in the attic, the finger.

Krewe of Decibel

This krewe is mainly composed of people who bought houses next to bars and restaurants and immediately started complaining about the neighborhood noise. Obviously, they don’t have any of those obnoxious brass bands, and they spend most of the time screaming at the other krewes that they shouldn’t either. Signature throws: earplugs, individually decorated blinders, and the spines of various city council members.

Krewe of Kickstarter

This energetic, enthusiastic bunch of visionaries is willing to jump right in, ready to show New Orleans how to reach its full potential. They really put such a huge amount of love and effort into this truly original concept- a First Ever New Orleans Mardi Gras Krewe. Please, seriously, just click the button- you have the chance to truly be a part of a unique creative community by doing so! Plus, everyone who attends the parade gets a supercool premium, at varying levels of financial engagement. Signature throw: um, they promise they will get those out to you just as soon as they can.

Krewe of Narcissus

This krewe doesn’t throw anything; the members gratify the crowds by stopping every few feet and taking selfies with various onlookers. One of the hallmarks of this parade is its relative silence, as krewe members and spectators spend the whole time face-first in their phones.  The parade is then reviewed and discussed on Facebook, Instagram, and Reddit as if actual participation took place.  Signature throw: however many “Likes” you can garner.