Our values

* make us famous

are unimpeachably pure and far more admirable than yours. The confidence we exude stems from a firm conviction that our worldview is self-evidently correct. Your uncertainty marks you as weak and lacking in moral fiber.

It might be time to write a purgative self-abasing confessional essay in which I bravely reveal my personal and existential transgressions, daring the world to respond with unvarnished truths and criticism that I might bask in my own shortcomings and own every failing as a perverse badge of spiritual honor while avoiding actual responsibility or the possibility of having been wrong in the first place.