Pretend to buy something you can’t afford

* make us famous

Set your sights on a fancy car, or that high-rise condo or office building. Dress the part and convince the salesperson that you have the means, the wherewithal, and the desire, and that you are willing to be pampered before you make up your mind. Just before you sign the check, say you’re going to look at other options and walk away.

Enjoy all the fun of capitalism without the buyer’s remorse. The more money that’s on the line, the greater the adrenaline high; why should the wealthy have all the fun? The worst that can happen is they check your credit and turn you away. Don’t let rejection scare you; your mission is to get as close as possible to the monetary transaction without exchanging any actual money.

Think of the joy you’ll feel in knowing that you did not buy something you did not need, that you will have no monthly payments, and yet you can still fully revel in the experience of consumer exuberance. Never mind the poor sales team wasting resource after resource to court your business. They’ll sell that high-ticket item to someone. They’ll get their commission. But they won’t get it from you, you thrifty tease. You’re too smart for that. Well, you technically can’t afford it, but let’s not split hairs. Act now. The upper echelons of capitalism await your participation.