You ruined this city, god damned Shun readers.

* make us famous

It wasn’t rich New Yorkers, it wasn’t Movie Stars, it wasn’t tourists. It was you, you turdling asswipes, that made this place unbearable. You darling, little fucking special-rebellious-snowflakes, who bike down my street in stupid, cookie-cutter outfits designed to show New Orleans that it is your originality which will save us.

Fuck, you’re awesome! Thanks for coming here.

The fact that you picked up this goddamned “zine” or whatever the hell you call this bespoke, printed bullshit, so you can choke on American Spirits while bragging to your friends you left behind in Ohio that New Orleans is this edgy paradise built just for you is proof enough. “I only read words on paper, like Emma Goldman or the non-retarded brother from Of Mice and Men. I keep it real” you say. If there was any justice in the world, the dreck you now hold in your hands would have been dipped in skin-transmittant poison at the printer. 

I can hear your response right now: “What? No, not me! You mean the ones who got to town the day after me. Check out how me and my boys are different. MY black pants and dirty shirt has the left knee slashed, but see, his t-shirt has the sleeves cut off! And when I pass you, I look down at you like I’m the Constipated Marquis of DipShitville passing a broken toilet, while he does more of a Stevie Wonder of St. Roch who wouldn’t notice you if your balls were on fire. See?”

And dont tell me how you wish you lived here when the rents were cheap. I’ll tell you right now, you would have hated it. It was cheap because it wasn’t built for pussies like you.