Shokipen Jeffery

"Shoki", as we call him, is quite the bastard.

Don’t ask questions in a convenience store.

Don’t ask questions in a convenience store. There is nothing to ask about. Ever been a long line at the convenience store? It’s because someone is asking a question.

“Hard pack, huh? Hard pack. Lemme see. Well, it’s the same price, right? Hard pack. Okeh. Lemme think about that.” No! Don’t think about that. You have smoked untold thousands of cigarettes. Just get a pack.

The products in a convenience store are the most common of our consumerist society. You know all you need to know about them. You don’t need to know the farm from which the chicken in the taquitos was sourced. You don’t need to ask if they have that obscure IPA you enjoyed back in Seattle. Just get your fucking PBR-smokes-candy, and get the fuck out.

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Hey, you know what this café is missing? Someone blowing steam in my face that smells like a discount vanilla candle.

Mmmm. Maybe you’ve swallowed a cheap truck stop air freshener. So much better than the organic smoke of tobacco.

At least actual smoke fumigates the bacteria of your hangover breath. Warm steam is practically the brunch buffet at the Court of Two Sisters to halitosis. Don’t even think about kissing someone with that mouth. 

A cigarette is a blessedly discrete period of time, a perfectly-sized break in the action.  The sound of its lighting signals relaxation time. It does not endlessly nag you with nicotine while clipped to the neck of your shirt. The cigarette is more civilized in every possible way.

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all the cool kids are carrying knives these days.

Big knives, small knives, sometimes two or three knives, right on their belts. Not utility knives, mind you. Stabbing sorts of knives. Are they at war? Do they expect a knife fight? With whom? The other knife-wielders of their gutterpunk/traveler/burner clan? Does leadership in such a group require a knife fight, like amongst the Fremen in Dune? 

Experimental psychologists have noticed something called a “weapon fixation,” the tendency of a person to focus on a weapon when it enters the room. (The next time you see a cop, notice yourself turning your attention to his or her firearm). The citizenry of our beloved city will hardly even notice a face tattoo, but they will notice knives.  

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Let us consider the White Girl with Dreadlocks, or "WGD"

As a person of color, the first thing I must note is the element of cultural appropriation. That is enough to fill one with disgust. Dreadlocks have been worn by various peoples worldwide, and became popular in the African diaspora after the coronation of Haile Selassie in 1930. The look became associated with African holy people in general by those who longed for the ancestral homeland of humankind from across the Atlantic. I get that. I like that. I approve of that. Black women with dreads, you rule. Black men with dreads, keep on keepin’ on.

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